Akkam’s Razor

Received two interesting and presumably unrelated Comcast mailings today.

The first was my bill (I pay $60 per year for an unlisted number? WTF!), which included a revised “Agreement for Residential Services” (PDF here from Comcast). More on that in a minute.

Next was an awesome letter telling me that I’m such an awesome customer that my bill will be increasing an awesome $20 at the end of my promotion period, but no worries, like the hero in a Michael Bay movie, I will be receiving a totally awesome $10 credit on my bill (which is really a $10 surcharge). Brilliant. Also included were three coupons for three on-demand movie rentals valued at $4.99 each (sadly, not including Wrestlemania or Hot Tub Housewives 37). If this is how Comcast plans on staving off the exodus towards FIOS, they are in for a world of hurt.

But back to that Agreement for Residential Services, to be referred to hereafter referred to as TOS (terms-of-service). I first need to say that IANAL (no, not buttsekz, that means I-am-not-a-lawyer), and I don’t even play one on TV, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn. I also don’t have a previous version handy to see what’s new, awesome, and Comcastic in this iteration. Here are a few of the items that stuck out to me, beyond the usual boilerplate:

• “YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING ANY GOVERNMENT IMPOSED FEES AND TAXES THAT BECOME APPLICABLE RETROACTIVELY”.

  (Wonder what that’s all about, eh?)

• Comcast has no liability for loss or damage from installation or use, except in cases of “GROSS NEGLIGENCE OR WILLFUL MISCONDUCT” with a “SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY” at their “SOLE DISCRETION” a maximum of $500. They also claim zero liability for voiding any computer or equipment warranties that occur during installation or use.

• While standard language, the number of things which negate any responsibility for loss of service are always amusing, including “the loss of communications satellite; loss of use of poles […]; strike; labor dispute; riot or insurrection; war; explosion; malicious mischief (so, are they responsible for shenanigans and harmless hooliganism?); fire, flood, lightning, earthquake, wind, ice extreme weather conditions, or other acts of [an Old Testament surly and vengeful] God; failure or reduction of power; or any court order, law, act, or order of government […].” In all other cases, you may get a pro rata credit, but that is also your “SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY”.

• They also assert the right to monitor all traffic, and refuse to post content at their discretion (language that refers to lawful governmental cooperation and their traffic blocking shaping activities). They also state that users are at risk of “eavesdropping” both internally to Comcast (!) or externally, and of course, they have no liability.

The takeaway in all of this, especially in light of a probable class-action suit against Comcast and general consumer activism is to read the TOS, and more importantly to OPT-OUT of Binding Arbitration (more at the Consumerist), known as the biggest gift to corporations.

I’m sure at this very moment some of the best internet lawyers in the world are reviewing this TOS, and more in depth legalese and latin lingo will be following shortly…