Akkam’s Razor

Why does the Public Relations industry believe that an apology abdicates or dilutes personal responsibility?  Or that quickly blaming your transgression on some controlled substance, medical affirmity, or psychological disorder somehow absolves you of blame and criticism?

Unless you're Amish, you've heard that Michael Richards (Kramer, of Seinfeld fame) went batshit-crazy on a heckler, with YouTube capturing his delusional rantings and dropping of the N-word.

As surreal (and unfunny) as that whole incident was, take a gander at his apology on Letterman last night:

The public relations (and marketing) industry clearly needs to die.  So what, he apologized.  When my daughter kicks her little sister in her head, throws one of her toys, or refuses to do something we ask of her, we put her in timeout, explain to her why what she did was wrong, and if needed, tell her to apologize.  But the fact she apologized really has nothing to do with 1.) why she did it in the first place and 2.) the likelihood of her doing it again.

So, a few examples…

John Kerry and his failed joke:  The week before the election, and this piece of white bread decides to "make a funny".  John, the sub-30% of this country that thinks Bush is a genius (and possibly the messiah) aren't going to be converted by your lame attempt at humor.   His mealy mouthed apology:

"As a combat veteran, I want to make it clear to anyone in uniform and to their loved ones: my poorly stated joke at a rally was not about, and never intended to refer to any troop," Kerry said in a statement published on his Web site.

"I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform, and I personally apologize to any service member, family member, or American who was offended," he added.

Apologizing doesn't excuse your lack of both comedic and political timing or your attempt at opportunistic grandstanding.

Mel Gibson:  Ah, the train wreck that keeps on giving!  Gibson, after being stopped for a DUI, managed to launch an anti-Semetic tirade, and later, at his booking, called a female cop "sugar-tits".  He similarly made attonements and appears to be regarded as having been rehabilitated, and all it took where these magic words:

“I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable,” the actor-director said without elaborating.

[...]

“The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person,” he said.

“I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse.”

He said he was taking “necessary steps to ensure my return to health.”

Clearly the bottle.  Couldn't possibly be your radical conservative Catholicism and twisted worldview you inherited from your holocaust-denying father.  Clearly. 

Mark Foley never really apologized per se for his page petting, but he talked around the issue in the usual Congressional manner.  Plus promptly checking himself into rehab and dredging allegations of past sexual abuse  at the "hands" of a man of the cloth.  His statement when he resigned?

No admission of wrongdoing.  No addressing of the circumstances leading to his resignation.  No serious contrition or retraction of his attempt to play of the allegations as another political stunt for the elections.  But he is sorry. 

And then we have FOX.  For some reason, the board of FOX (and News Corp, despite O'Reilly protestations to the contrary, News Corp was pimping (and cross promoting) the OJ story more than all of the other networks combined.  I know in the face of supporting the losing political party and an exodus of viewers may lead to a tendency for risky gambles, but publishing a book and airing a hypothetical "confession" by a not-guilty-but-liable dried up football star and D-list celebrity?  Check out this shameful Rupert Murdoch apology:

"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project," said News Corp. chairman Rupert Murdoch in a statement delivered to the Associated Press. "We are sorry for any pain that his has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson."

This was a grand idea inside the boardroom, that is, until the public at large (and I mean normal people, not the blowdried hair news commentators) got hold of it and said WTF.  Does an apology excuse your prior thought process that it would be ok to profit from the murders of two people?

My whole point here is that we seem to be obsessed with the idea of saying "I'm sorry", but not with the hard work that comes before (reflecting on one's actions), during (realizing that you have made a mistake), and after (taking steps to ensure that you don't make the mistake again.  More importanly, don't make a big show out of your apology, especially when you're more sorry about getting caught (or being held accountable) then you are about what you actually did…