Akkam’s Razor

Nothing here is safe for work.

The best way to keep your wife, daughter, son, or yourself from sharing nudes of themselves is to NOT have a computer in the bedroom.  Or a webcam.  Or digital camera.  Or video camera.  Fuckit.  There going to do it anyway.  Probably.

Each ugly tattoo that you have increases the likelihood of you being nude online by a factor of 10%. 

The odds of getting your wife to pose increase proportionally to the likelihood that you're in the bedroom. With the TV on. Watching Sportscenter.

A man takes pictures of his girlfriend/wife showing EVERYTHING - but you'll never see more of him than genitals, torso, feet, and hands.

Someone ALWAYS sees the pictures. ALWAYS.  Make sure they are well hidden - don't have them on your PC if you have someone fixing your computer.  Don't have them on your desktop.  And don't put them in your filesharing folder.  Or, on the flipside, you can choose to show them to everybody.  The photographer for my wedding had tasteful nudes of his wife (when she was much younger) hanging in his den/office/studio.  But it doesn't change the fact that someone WILL see them.

For some reason, women taking their own picture in a mirror is incredibly sexy.

Every woman should own a couple of wigs & dressup costumes.  Nurse, schoolteacher, clown, what have you.

Pictures with baby furniture or toddler toys in the background are never sexy.

The majority of home pornographers are filthy pigs, have never changed their sheets, picked up the trash off the floor, recycled any of their beer bottles, or done any laundry.

It is especially creepy to have the family dog or cat come strolling into the picture.  Please, think of the animals. 

If you are going to have a photo session, please clean under your finger nails and wipe your ass.  And make sure your pubic hair does not pop-out around the sides of your underwear.

Every father with daughters cringes when he see's a bedroom picture with posters & pictures on the wall.  Then he finishes jerking off.

Next time your at an event, look around the room.  See everyone with a digital camera? Odds are that they have nudies on their PC (or on that very camera).  If you haven't, what's wrong with you?  It's the first thing you should do after putting batteries in your camera.  Does this thing work?

And lastly, for the love of God, if your going to do it, please do it now, while you are relatively good looking.  Naked old people, with wrinkles, liver spots, and gray pubic hair is NEVER sexy.